He fights the world alone
by ColdHeartedWriter
Summary: Draco's always been lonely, but it seems impossible for everyone around him to notice. He's strong enough not to be stopped by this, it merelly makes him sad now and then.


_**DISCLAIMER:** The ideas are mine, the characters are not. If they were Remus would still be alive, Severus and Lily would have ended up together and Voldemort would probably have managed to get his hands on objects from all of the four founders. But that's just me..._

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_**Sumary:** Draco needs someone to look up to, but Dumbledore has only eyes for Harry Potter. And that can be really painful. It takes place, between books 5 and 6, just after Draco is asked to become a Death Eater._

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**He Fights The World Alone**

Everybody gets screwed up by their parents.

It starts when we are born, parents have expectations about us. They don't care we are entirely independent people, they have an entire life planned beforehand. What you might want does not count. And you are okay with that, because, truth be told, you don't have any plans yet. And they are your parents. They want what's best for you right? You are too young to know better.

But as time passes, things start to get out of hand. You are not good enough for them. Nothing you do is right. Your grades aren't high enough, you don't fly so well in a broomstick, you didn't make to your house's quidditch team. Soon you realize that nothing you ever do is going to be enough. They want you to be the best, and once you are, if you can, that's part of the past, and what matters is weather or not you'll be able to remain on top. But it's okay, because you are too young to know that life is not suppose to be this hard.

At some point when you are a teen, you realize your life sucks. You watch other kids, you see them with their parents, you know something is not right. And you can't really talk to anyone about it, because they will think you are complaining about nothing. Your parents have money, so you live in a manor. You don't starve. You have expensive gifts. You have the best money can buy. What could possibly be wrong with having that life?

People don't get that hearing you are a failure everyday of your life is not an easy thing. They don't see how much damage that can do. They don't know that buying you gifts does not make up for not caring. They don't feel what you feel. They don't understand, they don't even try. And that's when you get lonely.

That's not always a problem, you see. You are a loner. You push people away, they bore you. You like your own company. You like to be able to hear nothing but your own thoughts. But sometimes every now and then, that's not enough. That's when you're not so sure, if its you who chooses to be alone or if you have loneliness thrust upon you.

You are a Malfoy. You don't have real friends. You have the worst students in class acting like your servants because their parents did the same thing for your father. You have quidditch players worshiping you and pretending you can play on account of the highly expensive brooms your father gave them. You have silly girls telling you you are the man of their lives, because they want your last name.

And when they say they love you, it doesn't take your loneliness away. It makes it grow stronger.

But none of those people are friends, you can't talk to any of them. And no one seems to notice that it's not okay. But you can handle it, most of the time. When you say you're tough it's not a lie. And your loneliness, you are too strong for it to beat you. It merely makes you sad now and then.

When you don't have anyone to talk to, you watch. When you watch you notice things. You grow an opinion of your own. And people you used to despise for reasons your family taught you are suddenly interesting, because those reasons become unimportant.

It was that way with Dumbledore. You saw he was not so bad. When you stared at his bright blue eyes you saw the truth. And the same way you started noticing him, you want him no notice you. You needed someone to help you out. Dam it, it is hard to admit it even if just for yourself! You needed guidance, something you couldn't get the way other people could.

But Dumbledore doesn't see you. He doesn't give you the attention he gives Harry, he doesn't give you any attention at all. He shows no interest in you. And once more you are the little boy, fighting for approval, fighting to be noticed, when the fight seems to be already lost.

Your pride is wounded. You don't know what it takes for him to notice you, you think you're up to it but you don't know. And something always gets in the way. There's no way he's going to notice your high performance in classes with someone like Granger around. You become a principal, but it doesn't make a difference. And you tell yourself you have time. Until you don't.

Until the war blows up and people start picking sides. You know your side has been chosen for you. You are a Malfoy. But that's only an issue when your father screws up, and you are asked to take his place. You are confused, you are scared, you don't really want to do it. Your father has not been your role model for years now, being what he was is not your main ambition.

And you fool yourself. Because even if the man you chosen to be your role model has never given you a second look, in your mind you believe that when you need him, he's going to be there. He's going to realize how much you need him. So you see him walking through Hogwarts' grounds. You walk towards him, he looks at you, you open your mouth to speak, he lifts his hand in a greeting... And that's when you realize that he was greeting another student many metres behind you. He sees through you.

Not entirely convinced you go to his office. You ask the statues that guard the door to let you in, and they tell you he's busy. He is with Potter. Again. He only has eyes for Potter. Everybody has eyes for Potter. Stupid kid with a scar on his forehead. Everybody is sorry for him because he is an orphan. He doesn't know how lucky he might have been. He doesn't know that sometimes, it would be best to have no parents at all.

You too has been scared, only your wounds are deep within yourself.

And then, out of anger you do what was asked of you. You say you are ready. You say you are an adult. You say you are proud of being a Malfoy. You say you'll fix what your father messed up. You repeat to yourself that you've been doing pretty well on your own, that you need no guidance, that you're tough enough. You are alone, but have you not always been, anyway?

And that's how you end up lonely, sleepless in the middle of the night, sitting on the roof of your Manor, watching the stars, trying not to focus on the burning pain on your wrist. You don't look at the skull magically tattooed there, a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth. The dark mark.

You try not to focus on what you've become. You try not to focus on the mission you've been given. You try not to think you now have to kill the man you thought would be to you what your father couldn't. You try not to think you have to kill a mentor. A mentor who, like everybody else, has failed you.

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_**AN: **This fanfic was written ages ago, but it's one of my favourites. It's the first I ever did with Draco in a main role, simply because he was never one the characters I preferred till I realized how much I understand him. _

_**Reviews** would be nice._

_This has not been Beta-ed, I hope there are not too many typos. If you spot any, let me know..._


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